Monday, August 31, 2009

love and marriage....go together like a....well...i dunno

This is sort of a debbie downer post, so if you are having a bad day, save this post for another occasion. 

Yesterday Justin's brother called us from the Greyhound station in St Louis. He had left his wife and was on his way back to Kansas to get back on his feet. So naturally, today I have been thinking a lot about divorce....(don't freak on me...not within the context of my marriage) My parents are divorced. I work at a family law firm so I am surrounded by divorce daily. 

I have come to a conclusion. I think it I would rather be a child of divorced parents then the divorced parent of a child. (following me here?). It sucked when my parents divorced. It did. Sometimes it still sucks. But, I still have my family. I still get my mom's side. I still get my dad's side. I still have two parents (...and I now get two christmases....i kid, i kid). What I had to give up is having 2 parents that live together as a unit. I don't mean to trivialize this by condensing such an emotional event to one sentence, but at its core, that is how I see it. 

When you get divorced, one sentence just does not seem to suffice. You lose a best friend and a constant companion. You lose 1/2 your family. You lose time with your kids. You lose 1/2 an income. You lose your routine. You lose your tag-team (which is completely necessary after coming home from a hectic day of meetings, school, homework and work to hyper, screaming children).  The losses are immeasurable. 

Faced with the possibility of all those losses (and more) I cannot imagine being at a point where you can say 'I understand what I have to lose and even faced with all of that, my life will be better if I am divorced." Now don't get me wrong. I am not at all saying that this is not the reality for some people. I think it is very real and very necessary for some. Misery is not healthy for you, and not healthy for your children. I just cannot imagine coming to such a crossroad. It just seems like a point of no return (not counting those ross and rachels who marry, divorce, repeat) and  that you first need to have some vision where a winged figure flies down and tells you you are at that point. 

My brother-in-law is at that point. This week, he packed his bags and began to walk the 60 miles (yes, I said 60) to the bus stop with his life in 3 suitcases. Great people still exist because a man mowing his yard saw him, asked where he was going and voluntarily drove him the last 50 miles. (that story renewed my belief in the goodness of mankind).

Although I find no comfort in his struggles, it has made me oh-so-grateful for my husband and my beautiful babies. I think Justin felt the same as he called me this afternoon just to tell me how lucky we are and how much he loves me. I love him not despite his enormous appetite, freakish workout obsession, ridiculous big headedness, constant requests to "do it," and grade-school sense of humor, but because of it!

I decided I need a schtick. Its a lame one, but I like it because I am nosey and like to know things about other people. So my schtick will be a blog-ending question. Today's edition: What is your FAVORITE thing about your significant other?

1 comment:

  1. You know, I have to say, I'm glad you have Justin too. You all continue to show me what a real marriage takes and what it gives you in return. Kudos. Plus I think you guys make good kids.

    My favorite thing thing about Ryan? Just one? I would have to say that he is unconditionally support of me (even when I'm cranky).

    That's too bad for Darren and his family. I hope they can find the very best way to make it work.