Lets talk about sects, baby

Religion has been at the very core of the world's most brutal and deep-seeded disputes. So it seems only fitting for it to also be a constant internal battle in my life.

I was raised a Catholic, if you can call it that. We were holiday church-goers, but my dad always went (and still does)....and I did occasionally take CCD classes, but mostly for the social aspect. In my younger years, I always fought to bring books or toys to church to occupy myself and my dad always adamantly refused to allow me to do so, leaving me no choice but to fake like I fell asleep so I didn't have to partake in the kneeling. Somewhere in my late teens, I became disenfranchised with Catholicism. Things hit a peak when the whole "no birth control, natural family planning" aspect took a prominent role. Slowly but surely, we are working through our beef, but I think we will both agree that we will never see eye to eye. I respect the tradition it entails (and can still participate in a service...and sing the songs....from memory), however, that tradition holds some of the things that bother me most....like sexism and elitism. It seems strangely poetic that my husband is currently being bombarded by literature and invitations from his Catholic friends....and he is really interested and excited about it.

I started attending the Nazarene Church in Dodge City when Rileigh started attending daycare there as a 2-year-old. Walking in to the service for the first time was as close to what I would call a spiritual moment as I have ever had in my life. I spent the first 30 minutes of the service with tears streaming down my cheeks, but I was really not sure why. The singing moved me to my core and it felt as though the pastor was speaking directly to me.

Even then, the internal battle of logic and faith raged inside. Any active involvement I took in a religious context seemed completely artificial to me. Once, Justin and I decided to attend a bible reading class through this church. It was incredibly uncomfortable for me. It was almost a feeling of "oh no, when are they going to find out I am a complete poser....and am not actually sure what I believe in." I quit going before they ever found out.

Since leaving Dodge, I have only dabbled in religion. I have yet to experience what I felt the very first day I walked through the doors of the Nazarene Church, and frankly, haven't felt it again even when I go back to that church. I have thought about it, pretended to encompass it, forced it, just about everything....but was completely numb to it. I suppose I would compare knowing Jesus to having an orgasm. If you've had one, you know. If you haven't, you act like you have and fake it until you do. I am a total faker. I can't even say 'God bless you' when someone sneezes because it feels so foreign to me. You know when you write in cards for people who have recently lost a loved one....common thing to write "You are in my prayers." Not this gal. I can't even write it. Its not that I haven't tried praying. I have tried it in all different forms. A scripted meal time prayer, a freeform meal time prayer--once I became so determined that I was going to learn to pray that I made myself shut off my music on my commute home from work and silently attempt to pray the whole way home. My mind wandered aimlessly. That felt ridiculous. So I tried to pray out loud. Even more ridiculous, so I quit.

It is not that I am religious-less. Its just that I think faith is so inherently personal that when we try to place it inside the box of organized religion, it loses that. I have certain things that I believe and others that I just can't get down with. I had a woman I worked with once that was incredibly religious and she believed that all people were inherently rotten to the core. I can't get down with that. I can't get down with a wrath-filled God. I can't get down with "an eye for an eye." I can't get down with Adam and Eve. What I can get down with is the notion that there is good in everyone, even if you have to strain your eyes to see it. I believe in forgiveness and sacrifice. I believe in open-minded thinking and wholehearted exceptance of all persons. I believe in free will and faith. I have yet to be able to wrap that all up in a nice bow and call it a church. However I won't stop looking.

I suggested to Justin that we search for where we fit....and try a new church, a new religion every Sunday and allow ourselves to really expand and evaluate our belief system. Rileigh, who happened to overhear, said she would like to as well, as long as she didn't have to be Jewish because she didn't want her dad to have to wear one of those weird hats.

Making the Cut

I have hair ADD (....possibly just ADD in general as evidenced by the variety of my posts...) But definitely diagnosable when it comes to my hair. I think I have had every hairdo and hair color under the planet. In fact, many of them occurred during the span of one spring break in middle school.

I started kindergarten with long hair and big bangs. And by long, I mean long. I could have probably tucked it into my jeans had that been the cool thing to do at the time. By first grade, I had chopped it to my chin and tortured myself with a spiral perm. It definitely was the cool thing to do at the time. The rest of grade school brought a variety of hair lengths and an even greater variety of bang heights....gotta love the aquanet. If only I had a pictorial to go along with all of this.

In middle school I discovered hair color. Glorious, horrible dye-in-a-box. During that

fated spring break, I discovered about 5 different varieties of dye in a box. That was the week I discovered I could never be a red head.....so I married one instead.

Freshman year of high school was the first year since 1st grade that I really chopped my hair. Through out high school, I rocked various lengths of the Victoria Beckham bob. Although she was still a long-haired Spice Girl at that point, so arguably I knew it was cool even before she did.

Now, whenever I need a pick-me-up, I schedule a hair appointment. I love styling, washing, cutting, coloring.....the whole process! I am never afraid of a cut or color, because I figure that if it gets a little screwy, I can always have it fixed. That does not apply to bangs. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT test out a new hairdresser if you are thinking about getting bangs. I discovered this in fourth grade and spend the rest of my vacation wearing a hat.

Last week, I went drastic and I am loving it. I have not had my hair this short....well...ever. Pros: it takes less time to get ready, I get to use awesome smelling hair stuff and this weekend, someone called me edgy. Cons: I cannot rock a ponytail when I wanna roll out of bed and go and I have not figured out how to control my hair without washing it first and starting from scratch. All in all, I think I love it:

And just for fun (and since I can't do a pictorial from kindergarten on) lets take a peek at my hair over the last 2 years....in no particular order (because I can't figure out how to make these pictures go where I want on here):

August 2007: This was the blondest I had been a while. I love this color, think I might try for it next time.

January 2009: I needed a major change. The hubby had requested dark hair. I was really afraid to do this because I had gone brown before with baaaaaad results. I told Kalli to do whatever she would like to the cut and it turned out adorable:

October 2009: Has to be my favorite wedding hair. Uncurled, it was probably down a little past my shoulders. Wouldn't it be awesome to have naturally curly hair like this?:

September 2009: I tried to go the naturally curl route. Made for fantastic time and travel ease. Not so sure about it, but in weighing its ease, I could have worn it everyday:

June 2009: The long version of the dark hair. I grew to really love my hair dark. For one thing, thanks to Kalli, I could do it at home. Also, root growth was not very obvious. Those two things made it really easy to maintain:

Question of the week: What is your favorite hairdo you ever had?

pumpkin-tastic!

I am not so sure how stay at home moms do it. When I work full time I always dream of what it would be like be home with my kiddos everyday. Then when I do that, I am so deliriously tired at the end of the day that I know I could never do it. I love my children. But parenting is really a team effort.

I am on fall break right now, so I had Thursday and Friday off school. Addison and I hung out on Thursday. Lemme tell you. The terrible twos are starting to come in full force. You know when you are standing in line at the supermarket and the person behind you has the screaming, incredibly poorly behaved children screeching into your ear and you could like to turn around and scare the living daylights outta the kid just to get them to be quiet. Yep, I had one of those kids. We stayed in the rest of the day.

Friday Rileigh had a half day. I was determined to have a plan for the day. Without one, Rileigh would attempt to watch countless hours of television. Not ideal. My plan was to get into the fall spirit and plaster our afternoon with pumpkin. She had been asking about making pumpkin pie, so when she got home from school I had everything out and ready to make pumpkin pie and pumpkin muffins. She loves to cook and our muffins turned out great. We topped some with a cinnamon/sugar/butter glaze and the others with a (to-die-for) cream cheese frosting.

I think it was due in part to the awesome kitchen aid mixer I got as a wedding present all those years ago. I absolutely adore it. However, I am a horrible baker, so sadly it is very underused...but NEVER underappreciated.

Not sure about the pumpkin pie. I can't stand pumpkin pie. Justin loves it however, and rated Rileigh's as out of this world.....We just followed the recipe on the back of the pumpkin can. Do not tell my mother I used canned pumpkin. She would probably disown me....though I am sure I would have made her proud with the homemade whipped cream I made to go on top!

For those interested, recipe for the muffins below:

• 1 (15 ounce) can pumpkin puree
• 4 eggs
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• 2/3 cup water
• 3 cups white sugar
• 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a jumbo muffin pan.
  2. In a large bowl, mix together pumpkin puree, eggs, oil, water and sugar until well blended. In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and ginger. Stir the dry ingredients into the pumpkin mixture until just blended. Pour into the prepared pans.
  3. Bake for about 50 minutes in the preheated oven. Loaves are done when toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.
  Cream Cheese Frosting:
  Cream together 1/4 cup butter, softened, 4 ounces cream cheese, softened, 2 cups confectioners' sugar, 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

5 things I love, but I shouldn't

Hey, if you are reading this, thanks for not giving up on me. I was having a bit of writer's block. The first paragraph of any writing is always the worst to spin out. I have had plenty of ideas to share, but haven't seemed to be able to get over the 1st paragraph hurtle. However, I just had too much fun reading "5 things"on Meet the Gibsons and Organized Chaos to not participate as well.

1. Celebrity Gossip. I consistently place in "superstar section" the on People.com's celebrity new quiz. I read pinkisthenewblog.com daily. If its lacking on info (and only IF) then I also scan perezhilton.com. He is entirely too dirty and I have to maintain some class as I am creeping on all the celebrities.

2. Q-tips. Yep, I love them. It even says on the back of the box that I shouldn't. Yet nearly 4 times each day, I q-tip my ears.

3. Reality Television. I don't watch Survivor or the Amazing Race or any of those main stream reality shows...you know, the kind that win emmys. If it belongs on Bravo or Oxygen or MTV (although I am growing out of that one) you can almost bet that I watch it. My current reality followings: Project Runway, Top Chef, Biggest Loser, America's Next Top Model, So you think you can dance. Yep, its a busy fall. Worst reality show I admit to following: Bad Girls Club.

4. Diet Dr. Pepper. My husband calls it my crack. There is rarely a day when I don't start of the morning with an ice cold can. If I don't, its only because I ran out after drinking 1/2 a 12-pack the night before. You think I am exaggerating, but I am not. I embrace my addiction....and I take comfort in knowing that if there is a serious health risk associated with diet soda, it will happen to my brother first and I will have a heads up to get off the sauce.

5. Seeing people fall down. I laugh. Everytime. Even at my kids. (Well, unless its an old person....I do have a heart!)

The Inspirer

I have done many a personality test. Part of the social work curriculum is delving deep into yourself and discovering all your internal facets. Some tests are pretty pointless and easy to manipulate to get the desired personality outcome. This week for one of my courses I had to take the Myers-Briggs. I have probably taken it before, but never really paid much attention to what the results said about me. When I read the outcome this time, I was utterly shocked with how accurate it was.I am an ENFP, also known as the inspirer. Here are some of the things the experts say about ENFP's:

ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it.

I have always thought of myself as an ever optimist. I work very hard to see the silver lining in any situation. As far as being excited.....anyone who has ever been shopping with me knows how I get excited even over the most simple things in life. My husband would probably agree (and probably hates) that I usually can talk my way out of a situation....thats why I win all the arguments. Although, when I read him this portion, he was quick to point out the time I tried to talk my way out of a ticket from a state trooper...didn't go so well.

An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values. ENFPs who remain centered will usually be quite successful at their endeavors. Others may fall into the habit of dropping a project when they become excited about a new possibility, and thus they never achieve the great accomplishments which they are capable of achieving.

This is a running joke in my family. I start projects with big ideas and great enthusiasm.....and then lose interest. When we were remodeling our house, I would go from room to room doing the demolition and make some headway on putting things back together, then move to another room. Poor Justin always had to come in and finish up the projects I started.

Most ENFPs have great people skills. They are genuinely warm and interested in people, and place great importance on their inter-personal relationships. ENFPs almost always have a strong need to be liked. They have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand a person after a very short period of time, and use their intuition and flexibility to relate to others on their own level.

Nothing drives me more crazy then to know that someone doesn't care for me. I also have a habit of flirting like crazy with just about anyone, not because I am attracted to them, but probably because I have this inherent need to be liked. As for the second part, here is a prime example...Last year I let my license expire. Because of that, I had to retake the entire driver's test....including the actual driving part. In the 15 minutes it took to complete my driving portion, the DMV woman doing my ride along told me about her one night stand shortly after her divorce that resulted in a pregnancy, which she nearly ended with an abortion but decided against it because of some kind of divine intervention. Yep, I was shocked too. But she said she felt comfortable talking with me and just felt like I really understood her.

Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivous to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP's family members.

I cannot keep a schedule. I am messy and unorganized. Too much detail and too much scheduling makes me itch. I just cannot handle it. I know it drives people crazy that I always make last minute plans. Normally, I know the rough outline of my day, but that is about it. And you know what? That is just okay by me!

An ENFP who has "gone wrong" may be quite manipulative - and very good it. The gift of gab which they are blessed with makes it naturally easy for them to get what they want

Not the greatest attribute, but something to be aware of. This is definitely something I have to watch in myself....If I know it is something I am prone to, it is also something I can avoid.

ENFPs are basically happy people. They may become unhappy when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. Many go into business for themselves. They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they're doing.

I cannot think of something more closely descriptive of me and how I operate! That is why the thought of working at a large firm makes my stomach turn. I simply could not handle it.

The full profile can be seen at http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP.html

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Justin is an ENTJ, the executive. They say you are normally most compatible with your exact opposite, like the yin to your yang. BUT I could never picture myself with an introvert!

Some Famous ENFPs:

Will Rogers, Theodor "Dr." Seuss Geisel, Paul Harvey, Bill Cosby, Dave Thomas, Meg Ryan, Robin Williams, Sandra Bullock, Alicia Silverstone, Regis Philbin

You can also take the Myer-Briggs on the personalitypage website. Rumor is that the ol' 'birds of a feather' saying is especially true in groups of friends. What is your result?

Wedding Weekends

Another weekend, another trip out of St Louis for the Heeke family. Weddings and wedding events have been consuming our lives as of late. It a great thing that I just love weddings (re: last post regarding any kind of celebration) or else I would be half crazy by now (or maybe whole crazy.....as I may already be at the half-way point...)

First up was my cousin, Abby's wedding on Sept. 5. Now I realize that was several weeks ago, but I never shared my thoughts or photos of the event. I feel completely confident in saying that it was one of the most beautiful and unique weddings I have ever been to. First, the scenery....the wedding took place outdoors at a botanical garden. That provided the most gorgeous backdrop in and of itself. Second for me was the photobooth. I now have the most adorable pictures with my grandparents. It was so much fun. Finally, the food and drink set up was so cool. There was an outdoor bar set up and the beer glasses were adorned with a chalkboard circle that you could chalk your name onto. My dinner was served in a margarita glass with chipotle potatoes.....who even knew those existed?!? Of course it goes without saying that the bride was gorgeous....and so incredibly fun to celebrate. Is there a word for the utmost opposite of bridezilla? Because if there is....thats what she was.

This past weekend, we went back to Kansas for the wedding of one of Justin's high school friends. Justin has a group of friends from high school that I truly and utterly adore. Their bonds of friendship blow my mind and I am thankful that they allow me to be a part of their circle. I wish I would have planned things out a little better so that I could have gotten in some QT time with these friends that I rarely get to see now, but I was thankful for the time that I did have. It is still shocking to me when one of "my" boys is in a serious relationship...let alone get married! The bride and the groom both have hearts of gold and I could not have been more happy for them. Now that the women of the group are growing in numbers.....maybe we can start our own club

So next up is my brother's wedding in Lawrence on Oct 9. I am super excited, but I am trying to prepare myself for it emotionally. No one wants a sloppy mess standing up at the altar....

All of these weddings left me asking myself....what exactly is my favorite part of a wedding? Hard to pick....but I think it might just be the toasts (usually....sometimes you get a lame MOH or Best Man). What's yours?

Give me a reason to celebrate.

I adore holidays. Any of them. In fact, just tell me its a holiday and I will find a way to decorate and/or celebrate. Always #1 is birthdays (that's a holiday...right?) followed closely by Christmas. Both mean lots of celebrating and lots of family. 

So the next holiday on the list is Halloween. Last year was so much fun for us. We decided to dress up as a family. It turned out so adorable: 

This year we decided we would keep going with the family halloween. I have been trying to start the planning early, as last year I was wrapping Justin's jeans with duct tape at 2am. Rileigh went through various ideas before finally deciding on Mariokart. I was pretty excited about the idea.....and then I started looking for costumes for Rileigh (aka Princess Peach)

It was much harder than I thought it would be. All the Princess Peach costumes I found looked cheap but cost a fortune. I thought it would be super easy to find a premade costume....but now I am going with plan B....making the costume. This is a problem because I can't sew, but I think I may have found the perfect solution (thank you ebay!)

My plan is to remove the bow around the waist and replace it with a dark pink one and add on the dark pink draping at the hips. I am going to attempt to add some poofy sleeves....but as a non-sewing person, I am not sure how that will work. I also found a long blonde wig that I am going to hot glue a crown onto. Find some blue jewels......add some white loves.....and VIOLA! Perfect Princess Peach. 

I think Addison will be Toad. My plan for that is to paper mache a mushroom hat onto a bike helmet and paint it to match toad's. Other than that, its just white pants and a vest....and VIOLA! Perfect little Toad. 

And....I think its pretty obvious which of one of us will be mario and which will be luigi. Hmm....wonder if I can grow a mustache by then.....

What was your favorite Halloween costume of all time?